


Go Away! (Please Don't Leave Me)

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance abused, Lance tortured, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-02 17:19:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14549538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Lance doesn't feel. or at least he tries not to, but then he get's launched into space and isn't so sure what he feels anymore.





	1. Chapter 1

At nine Lance was happy. His sisters would paint his nails and give him makeovers. He would play in the rain and go to the beach with his family.

At ten Lance discovered his sexuality along with the other kids at his school. They noticed how he would flirt with both boys and girls and they didn't like it. That's when the bullying started. They would kick him and punch him and call him names.

At thirteen Lance told his family and they didn't like it either. That's when the abuse started. They would hit him and cut him. And it hurt him. He thought it was his fault. That it was a bad thing for him to feel this way. In his head this was what he deserved. Which is why he never fought back and he never told anyone. He would wear long sleeves and pants to hide the bruises and the cuts from beer bottles. 

At fifteen Lance stopped feeling. He didn't cry when he was sad and he didn't laugh when he was happy. He went numb. He ignored people and tried to stay away from home as long as he could. He stopped flirting and stayed away from people. If someone talked to him he would ignore them, but if he had to talk to them he would say something rude and mean so they would stay away from him. Now he went to the beach alone and would go to the park at night to look at the stars. 

At sixteen Lance got accepted into the Garrison. He went and met Hunk and Pidge he didn't talk anymore and would usually just listen to there conversations or keep them company while he read a book. 

Then at seventeen he was shot into space. He was trapped with people. They didn't know about his sexuality and he was scared that if they found out then the abuse and harassment would start again, so he kept his distance. He didn't talk to them and didn't go near them unless he had to. They thought he was mean and rude so they stayed away from him too. He still cared about them though he just didn't show it. It's better this way. The best way to not get your heart broken is to pretend you don't have one. So that's what he did.   



	2. A Pidge Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge and Lance are captured.

**Earth**

The sand was warm on the bottom of his feet as he walked to towards the ocean. The sounds of the waves crashing calmed him. When he reached the ocean he stopped so that the water would only come up to his ankles before it retreated back. The cold water hit him feet and he enjoyed the cool feeling.

He had made the stupid mistake of going to the bathroom after school that day. It was stupid because it was an isolated place. He got attacked and now his stomach and back were littered with bruises from being punched and eventually kicked. It hurt. He knew he deserved it, but still he wised someone would help him. He wished that the pain and the nightmares and the constant fear would stop. But most of all he wished someone would love him. He wished someone would care. A hug, a pat on the back, something anything to make him feel less alone. Maybe not to take away the pain, but to at least make it more bearable. 

But that never came. It was one thing to suffer and have people hate you to tell you that you can't be loved so much that you start to believe them and it's an entirely different thing to do it alone. When you do it alone it hurts so much worse because there's no one to tell you that you don't deserve it that what they're telling you isn't true. Because when you do it alone you start to believe it's true and that just makes it so much worse. He just once someone to help him or at the very least hold him. And still it never came.

 

**Space**

He woke up in a cold sweat panting. He had had another nightmare about those bully's. He knew they weren't up he in space much less his room, but he still checked. He turned on his lamp and checked everywhere. His closet, the bathroom, even under the bed. Only once he'd double checked everything did his breath begin to slow and his body started to relax. He looked at the clock, Pidge had conveniently made for everyone, which told him that it was 11 o'clock at night. He remembered going to bed at eight which meant he had gotten three hours of sleep in total. He was impressed with himself that was one hour more than usual. 

Lance rarely got any sleep not that he didn't want to it's just that nightmare always forced him awake and he was a light sleeper because he feared that someone would come in and try to kill him in his sleep. His parents had tried a few times, but they mostly just went in to beat him and then got bored and left before he had the chance to die. Still he had gotten some of his worse injury's that way he had a scar across his stomach from when his father had attacked his with a beer bottle. 

Once he had calmed down he started to get dressed in some clothes he had picked up from the space mall. He wore a navy blue short sleeve shirt with a black long sleeve shirt underneath to hide the scars, some loose brown pants that were just below his knees, and some black foot sleeves that looked like socks but exposed his heels and toes. He walked out of his room and made his way to the castles storage closet. There he grab a broom and began sweeping the castle.

He cleaned the castle because it was the least he could do. He wasn't smart like Hunk and Pidge or a good fighter like Keith and Shiro. Which is why he did small things to help like clean the castle. It made him feel less useless. Sweeping also helped him explore the castle, so far he had found a library and a private training room which he took full advantage of. All of the books were in Altean which was fine since he had already learned the language. It was fun to learn about the history of Altea along with alien biology, medicine, and much more. Lance had been trying to learn everything and anything that could be useful to the team. Of course he also had fun reading some dramas and other fictional books that alteans had written. 

Lance had finished sweeping a small part of the castle and returned the broom to its closet when he decided that he would go to the library to continue his reading. Of course Lance decided the wise thing to do would be to get some coffee so he wouldn't fall back into his nightmare infested sleep. It's not that Lance didn't like sleep it was that he couldn't get any good rest so he didn't really bother to work it into his schedule. He didn't even follow the teams schedule unless it was something important like going over a mission or team bonding. Otherwise he didn't do anything with the others. He only slept when he got to exhausted to force him self to stay awake any longer and even then it was usually only a few hours before his nightmares woke him. He only ate when he was hungry unless he got to absorbed into his work to realize he was hungry in those cases he would have to force himself to stop whatever it was he was doing and go get some food but even then he wouldn't realize he was hungry until he started eating. 

On his way to the kitchen he walked passed the lounge and glanced in to see Pidge  typing on their computer. _What was Pidge doing awake?_ Of course he realized how stupid a question it was right after he thought it. Pidge was looking for their family and would only ever get sleep after passing out from exhausted which was usually while in the middle of typing and they would normally fall asleep on the floor only to wake up and start typing again. Pidge was bad at emotions and could be mean sometimes and scary if they wanted to be but the one thing that Lance admired about them the most was their determination. The bags under their eyes gave Lance the idea that they must have been up for at least a few days. _I think I'll get them some coffee to help them stay awake too._ Lance thought to himself as he walked away from the lounge towards that kitchen. When he entered the kitchen he grabbed two coffee mugs and filled them up with coffee that luckily only took a couple minutes to make. As Lance was making his way towards the lounge he heard talking which grew louder as he approached the lounge. He peaked his head around the corner to see Shrio trying to talk to Pidge and failing.

"Pidge?" No reaction

"Pidge." No reaction

"Pidge!" It wasn't until Shiro yelled that Pidge stopped their typing and looked up at Shiro.

"Oh hi Shiro. What's up?" Pidge said tiredly clearly not hearing the anger in Shiros voice. _Maybe it's because their tired... Well Pidge is bad with emotions so it might not matter._

"Pidge. Go. To. Bed."

"What? Why?"

"Pidge look at yourself you're exhausted" 

"I'm fine" Actually they weren't. They looked exhausted and just about ready to collapse, but Pidge wasn't one to give in so easily. 

"Pidge you need to sleep."

"Why? It's not like the rest of you sleep." Pidge did have a point. None of them really got much sleep. Keith was usually training at night (one of the reasons Lance was thankful to have a private training room), Hunk would try new recipes, Allura and Coran were making plans to try and defeat the galra, and Shiro would usually be awake training because he had nightmare from his time with the galra sort of like Lance. 

"Allura and Coran are making mission plans, Hunk is baking, and you and Keith are always training. What makes what I'm doing any different." Lance couldn't help but notice how his name was left out. That was a good thing it meant he was doing a good job at staying away from them. 

"That's different." Honestly though it wasn't Shiro stayed awake to keep the nightmares away kind of like how Pidge tried to do everything to try and find their family because doing nothing was too pain full. When they did nothing they couldn't help but think about what horrible things the galra could being doing to their family, so they try and help because it's better than just sitting their and doing nothing while their family could be dying somewhere. Lance may not interact with people, but he can understand them and read them like a book. 

"No it's not!" Pidge was shouting now.

"Can't you see I'm worried about you!? I just want you to get some sleep!"

"Can't you see I'm worried about my family?!"

"Of course I can see that! I'm worried about them too!"

"Then why can't you understand!"

"I do understand, but I want you to get some sleep." Shiro said. Finally calming down.

"If you did understand you'd leave me alone." Pidge said still angry, but no longer yelling.

"Fine!" Shiro spoke angry before exiting through the door opposite of Lance. The second Shiro left Pidge began to type again while tears streamed down their face. Pidge angrily wiped them away with their sleeves. Lance sat down outside the door and placed the mugs on the floor. He pulled out a small notepad and pen from his pocked which he had just in case he had to communicate to the others (Which he rarely did). He wrote down his message and then with his left hand he held the note in between his pointer and middle finger while the rest of his fingers held the mug. His right hand held his drink which he took a sip of before entering the room. He stood in front of Pidge and patiently waited for them to notice he was there.

"What Lance? Did you come here to tell me to go to bed too?" Pidge demanded more than asked their previous conversation with Shiro clearly not forgotten. Lance stood there with an almost bored expression.  _Don't show any emotion that's what they look for. That's how they hurt you._ Lance extended his left hand towards Pidge motioning with his fingers for them to take the note. They took the note and read it

 

> **I'd prefer it if you slept, but you care more about your family then your health so I know that's not going to happen. If I can't stop you I might as well help you. You obviously haven't slept in a few days and your body is about to shut down and force you to sleep so I brought you some coffee. It's not much and it'll probably only give you a few hours extra so use that time wisely.**
> 
> **-Lance**

While Pidge was reading the message Lance noticed how they started to calm down and relax. Once they were done reading the message they looked up at Lance and excepted the coffee in his left hand. Lance started to walk towards the door to leave when he heard.

"Lance?" He turned around and saw Pidge sitting there looking at him.

"Thanks" Lance gave a nod and then continued to make his way towards the library. 

 

* * *

 

Lance woke up in a dark cell with the only lighting being some dim purple lights down the hall away from his cell. Lance had shackles on his neck and wrists which were chained to the wall behind him forcing him to sit against the wall. He had been captured by the galra. Wait...no...that didn't sound right. Oh yeah it was him and Pidge. Luckily it had just been them and their lions hadn't been taken too. Hold on no lucky wasn't the right word to use. If they had been lucky the mission would've been successful. 

That's when he noticed that he was alone.  _Where was Pidge?_ While his mind raced with all the different possibilities he heard a click as his cell door opened. In walked a galra with long white hair.

"Hello Blue paladin." _Who was this guy?_ "I'm prince Lotor" _Thank you for the answer._ "You are now my prisoner. You and your team mate will be tortured and you will quickly begin to beg for death, but if you answer all of my questions you will get a quick and painless death." _No. Pidge can't be tortured their too young! I have to do something about this._

 _"_ No thanks."

"Sorry blue paladin it wasn't a question" Lance could clearly see that he was not at all sorry.

"I'd like to make a deal."

"What sort of deal?"

"You don't hurt the green paladin and you can do whatever you want with me" Lotor seemed very amused by this

"Now why would I do that?" 

"Because you want information and the green paladin doesn't have any."

"Oh and why is that"

"The green paladin is a child like we'd trust her with voltrons secrets. They'd probably spill everything to you if you so much as glanced at them."

"Why would you tell me this?" 

"Because I care about them and I'm willing to sacrifice myself for their safety." Lotor seemed to like this answer and paused considering his options.

"Okay. Here's our deal I won't torture the green paladin I'll just ruff them up a bit nothing too painful or life threatening. In exchange I get to hurt you twice as much and I can do what ever I want to try and get information out of you or you know just use you as a punching bag. Deal?"

"Deal." Lance didn't even hesitate. As long as Pidge didn't get tortured or hurt to bad Lance was fine with whatever he had to endure.  

* * *

 

It hurt.

He had only been here two months and they had already tortured him enough to last anyone a lifetime. They kept hurting him till the point where he was nearly dying and then they'd throw him into a healing pod just to take him out once he was fully healed and torture him again. They found out the things he hated and forced them onto him and they found the things he loved and turned it against him. He couldn't begin to count how many times he'd watched his team die and had to have flashbacks of his time on earth. 

They had moved him into a new cell again with a table which he was strapped down to by his wrists, ankles, and neck. He had lost his old clothes weeks ago. They were replaced with a short sleeve purple shirt and black shorts which were both too big for him. The shorts being so big that they were just below his knees and the only thing keeping them up was some rope he tied around his waist a while back. No one seemed to care about him being clean because he hadn't had any new clothes for weeks and these ones were stained with his blood and the only time he got any kind of shower was when they drowned him. 

He was relaxing in his cell eyes closed to help him relax or at least as close as he could get to relaxed. The bags under his eyes were getting worse from the lack of sleep and he was pale from the loss of blood. Every part of his body except for his face was covered in cuts, but that wasn't new to him because of his bullying and abuse from on earth he was quiet familiar with it. No what hurt was the liquid and rocks they had put in the wounds. He couldn't remember the name, but they were similar to lemon juice and salt. They had literally rubbed salt on his wounds and it stung. He was trying to get his breath to slow down when he heard the door slide open. He slowly opened his eyes to look at who had entered. It was Lotor.

"Hello pet!" Lance continued to stare at him. "What? No hello?" Lance still stared at him "You don't talk much do you pet?" Still Lance didn't answer "Ever since we made our deal you haven't said anything. Why is that?" Lance remained staring at Lotor until he eventually got tired and turned his head towards the ceiling and closed his eyes. Lance heard Lotor walk towards him and sit down in a chair near the table and Lances head. Then lance felt something on his head and realized that Lotor was petting him and combing his fingers through his hair _again_. The first time Lotor had done it Lance had been a bit surprised, but it made sense after all Lotor called him pet so it kind of made sense that Lotor would treat him like one. Lance knew he couldn't stop Lotor after all they had made a deal, but the fact was that Lance also didn't really want to. He hadn't had anyone touch him since he was little when he got older whenever someone did touch him it had usually been to hit him. Which is why whenever Lotor did 'pet' him he couldn't help but lean into the touch. The irony of his comfort coming from the same person who enjoyed torturing him. 

"You've gone through so much these past few months. You've been shocked, freezed, over heated, cut, beaten, you've become our new champion, and you've been experimented on." Oh yeah the experiments he could never forget those. Haggar had personally come down to do it. After he'd become the new champion she had begun to show interest in him. She had given him claws on his feet and hands along with fangs and his eyes had been made to look cat like. Luckily he could control the transformation that way he could will himself to look like a human and a monster whenever he wanted. Besides the physical changes when he turned into a monster his speed and senses were increased by ten times. As long as he could change back into a human he was fine with it. 

"You know I think you should go into the healing pod again. When you get out I think I'm going to put a hundred poisonous needles in you again" _Again? But it hurt so much the first time._ Lotor left the room and shortly after another galran entered to bring him to the healing pod.  _Here we go again they just break me so they can put me back together wrong._ Oh course Lance did get healed physically, but there were still the scars that were left behind on his body and the open wounds in his mind. 

This was the last thing Lance before he fell asleep in the pod.

* * *

**Pidge**

Pidge woke up terrified. Pidge and Lance had been captured by the galra they were probably going to be tortured and interrogated. They'll probably face unimaginable pain. _Wait. Where's Lance?_ Pidge began to panic.

"Okay Pidge calm down. Calm down. You'll just wait for the galra to come in here and you'll...you won't talk you won't give them any information. You have to stay strong for the safety of the team." Only the galra didn't come into there cell. Someone occasionally came in to give her food and water, but that was it. It was some how worse because nothing happened to her she saw people get dragged out of their cells to their death and heard their screams of agony as they were tortured. They couldn't do anything, but watch and listen. Until at one point they could hear it in their nightmares.

**1 month later**

A galra came into their cell. Pidge had done what they did everyday and covered their ears with their hands and kept there eyes closed in a desperate attempt to keep the noise out. The galra just walked up to them and out of no where started kicking them in the stomach and the face. 

This was what began to happen for the next few weeks. Pidge would be perfectly fine and then a galra would just come in and beat them there was no pattern and no purpose they didn't even ask questions just kicked them and then left. 

**2 months later**

Pidge had just been beaten again and their body was covered in bruises. Pidge was terrified that the galra might come back again. Sometimes they would get beat five times in a row other times they'd be beaten just to receive another beating two days later. Pidge was constantly scared they didn't know what would happen or when and not having that knowledge was killing them. All of a sudden there was a loud bang and the whole ship shakes. Pidge saw galra running past her cell screaming orders.

_Wait is this voltron?_

They were right voltron had finally been able to find them.

"Pidge!?" _Shiro?_

"Pidge!?" they heard rapid footsteps become louder as did the voice.

"Shiro?"

"Pidge!?"

"Shiro!" Pidge was standing in front of her cell screaming Shiro's name. Shiro finally found her and opened her cell with his arm. 

"Pidge are you okay?" 

"Yeah let's go"

"Okay Hunk got the other prisoners out with his lion and Keith went to get Lance" Shiro informed them as they ran

"Wait Lance is on this ship?" 

"Yeah. You didn't know?"

"No "I haven't seen him since we got captured."

"Guys I found Lance!" Keith shouted over the coms.

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you mean 'yeah?'"

"Well that's the thing he's perfectly fine. There's not even a scratch on him." _What but that didn't make any sense. What did the galra do to him?_

**The Castle**

Everyone was gathered at the bridge trying to figure out what happened to Lance. Pidge was covered in several bruises, but they weren't too sever and Coran said that they would heal on their own.  

"Lance what happened to you?" Shiro questioned. Lance didn't answer he just sat on the floor staring at the ground. After Lance was taken out of the pod they had put him in long sleeves and pants and returned him to his cell that's when Keith found him. Which was also why they couldn't see any of his scars those of his past abuse and his more recent torture. Pidge had already explained what had happened to them and Shiro was angry that she had to go through that but also thankful that she hadn't been tortured. Lance had been grateful that Lotor had kept his promise and only ruffed Pidge up a bit, but still he wish he could of done more. He wished Pidge hadn't had to go through that. He knew he couldn't have done anything more to help her, but he still thought it was his fault. 

"Everyone we're receving a call" Allura informed them before Lotor appeared on the screen.

"Hello paladins I am prince Lotor"

"What did you do to Lance!?" Pidge demanded

"Why isn't he hurt!?" Hunk asked. Lotor grinned at this question.

"He isn't hurt because we made a deal. Anyway I just wanted to inform you of that goodbye." Lotor said and then he ended the call.

"Lance is that true?" Keith asked

"Don't be ridiculous Keith of course it's not true!" Hunk said

"Lance. Is. It. True." Keith asked again. Lance nodded yes. Everyone gasped. 

"Why?" Pidge asked. Lance couldn't answer an answer would mean he would have to talk and he was still terrified of that. Instead he just walked away. While Pidge broke down and started sobbing while the team comforted them. Lance wanted comfort he hated what he had gone through, but he didn't know how to ask for it he didn't even think he deserved it. _At least Pidge can get some comfort. At least they don't have to do this alone._ Because doing something alone was harder and Lance had no choice but to do things alone. He went to blues hanger and sat in the pilots seat of Blue. He began to cry as Blue sent comforting and calming thoughts to her paladin.

"It hurts blue. It hurts so much." Lance said between sobs voice sore from lack of use. At least he had blue and that was more comfort then he had had in years. So as Pidge got comfort and love from the team Lance got comfort from his lion.

 

 

 


	3. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Shiro tell the team that they've been dating. A mind meld reveals Lance.

It had been a week since the team had saved Lance and Pidge from the galra and the team was still pissed at Lance. Hunk couldn't understand why Lance would betray Pidge like that just to save his own skin. Lance had been so chill and calm at the Garrison he would hang out with Pidge and him while they worked. But whenever Hunk thought about it he realized he didn't know Lance at all. Keith was furious Pidge was just a kid there is no reason for Lance to make things even worse for them. Pidge was still broken up about what had happened to them, but they felt betrayed. Allura and Coran were angry at Lance and Shiro was angry, but mostly disappointed. 

Lance was having more nightmares now thanks to the Galra, so he was getting even less sleep than normal and he kept passing out from exhaustion as a result. The team bond was getting worse to say the least. Which is why Allura called them all into the lounge for a team bonding exercise.

* * *

 

"Okay palidins I've noticed that your bond has been getting worse lately, so I've decided that the best thing to do was a team bonding exercise! Today were going to be doing the mind meld!" Allura said with excitement. Everyone didn't really like the idea with having the others in their mind, but their bond had been getting worse lately so they couldn't really argue. Also everyone was curious to look in Lances mind to figure out what drove Lance to make a deal with Lotor. 

"So while I'm getting that ready are there any questions?" Lance lazily raised his hand

"Yes lance?" Allura tried to sound cheery, but you could help but hear the annoyance drip out of her voice. Lance took out a note and handed it to Allura. Allura read it and sighed. "Yes Lance you can sleep for this exercise." Allura turned towards everyone

"Okay while we have a chance is there anything any of you feel like sharing before we start?" Allura asked. Keith nervously answered

"Um yeah I have something." everyone's attention was on Keith. "Well...um Shiro and I have been dating for a while...so...theirs um...that." Keith looked nervous to see the others reaction.

"cool" Hunk was the first one to answer.

"I kind of figured" Allura said

"It's about time." Pidge said teasingly. Keith seemed to shocked at these answers.

"Wait it dosen't bug you?"

"No. Why would it?" Pidge asked confused.

"Well it's just that when I was growing up I got bullied for being gay and I was really scared to tell you guys because I think of you guys as my family and I didn't want you all to hate me." Keith was crying now.

"Keith there's nothing you could do to make us hate you." Hunk said

"Yeah you're our family too." Pidge agreed. Shiro raped his arms around a now sobbing Keith and said

"See I told you it would be fine." 

Lance looked calm and relaxed on the outside as if he couldn't care less about what had been said or as if he hadn't heard it. On the inside however he was confused and panicking.

_Wait did I hear that right? Did they just say they didn't care that Keith and Shrio were dating? That they didn't care that they were gay? Does that mean I can tell them I'm Bi?_

_No! You can't tell them! It's a trick they're just trying to get you to come put so that they can hurt you. Its just like what happened on earth they'll make you feel comfortable and safe and they you'll tell them and they'll hate you with all their heart!  They'll abuse you and hurt you make you think you should be dead! You're not safe you're never safe. You're no safer here than you were on earth or with the galra. If they find out they'll probably take you back to the galra._

Lance believed the voices in his head, so when everyone was staring at him to see his reaction he looked away with disgust.

 _Good now they think you're on their side._ said the negative voice in his head, but deep down there was a smaller voice saying

_What if it wasn't a trick?_

If the team wasent pissed with Lance before they sure were now. Allura gave the mind meld helmets to everyone. Once Lance got his helmet he put it on and went to sleep too tired to even think about the consequences. 

"Okay everyone here's how the mind meld works you all close your eyes and when you find someones memory it will play for all of you like a movie in your head you'll hear some of their thoughts and how they felt at the time of the memory. Of course since Lance is sleeping he won't remember some of the memory's you show him and will probably think there just dreams. I'll give you all three vargas! Have fun!" And then Allura left. Everyone closed their eyes, except for Lance who already had his eyes closed, and they began to show and look at each others memory's. 

they saw Shiros time with the Galra, but had to stop when it became too graphic. They also saw his and Keith's time together. Keith showed how he was harassed and bullied for his sexuality everyone got angry then and Shiro looked like he wanted to kill the kids who picked on him. Hunk showed how he would get anxiety and homesick sometimes and how baking helped him calm down. Pidge showed memory's of their family and how they desperately worried about them. After everyone had basically shared their whole life story Pidge said

"Do you think we should look at Lances memory's?" there was silence until Keith said

"Yeah. It's only fair I mean we shared our life story's and he doesn't even care to stay awake for it, so it's only fair we look at his" and that decided it they started to look at Lances memory's.

The first memory showed a maybe five year old Lance with his family. They were on the beach playing in the sand and running in the ocean. It showed him dumping a bucket of water on his sunbathing sister and running away laughing as she chased him and laughing even harder when she grabbed him and through him into the ocean. The team couldn't help, but laugh at it. It showed Lance talking at picnics and joking with his brothers. They wondered what had happened to make Lance go from that to the way he is now. They didn't have to wait long. The next memory showed an older lance in middle school walking in the class hall way when another boy approached him and grabbed him by his arm and dragged him behind a building. When they got behind the building the team saw that there was another group of boys standing in a circle there waiting. The boy who had grabbed Lances arm pushed him into the center of the circle. The boys making the circle just looked at him until all of a sudden someone kicked Lance in the back hard causing him to slam into the wall. Lance grunted as he hit the wall which only made the other boys laugh.

"Ha what do you know fags can feel pain" the others laughed at this statement. Lance turned around and leaned on the wall for support. All of a sudden another set of punches and kicks attacked him aimed at his stomach. After a while it became too much to remain standing and Lance fell on the ground. This didn't stop them from attacking him no they just started kicking him in the ribs. After some time the kicks stopped and Lance waited for more to come, but they didnt.

"This is getting boring." one of them said

"Yeah it doesn't seem like enough." another said. They all grew silent as if they were thinking about what to do. Then one of them got an idea. 

"Hay why don't we cut him!"

The teams blood grew cold when the boy said this.

"No way you idiot it's too obvious!" 

"Oh sorry you're right."

"Wait no that's a good idea. We'll just cut his arms, legs, and stomach that we he can hide the cuts."

"What if someone asks him about the cuts?"

"They'll probably just think he's suicidal or depressed. After all he does seem like the type. He always has that bored expression and he never talks. It's perfect!"

That night Lance went home littered in cuts and after that night lance never wore short sleeves or shorts.

the team was shocked they didn't know Lance was bullied. Wait that kid said fag dose that means Lance is gay?

The next memory showed Lance at home in front of his dad the team didn't know why but they could feel that Lance was scared. 

"What the hell is wrong with you? You could've done what ever you wanted with your life athletics, art, anything and I would've been supportive. But this I can't support this! Both you love both genders?! What kind of human being does that?! Your a descrase!" Lances dad punched his face "You don't deserve pity" Another punch "And you sure as hell don't deserve love!" the punches kept comeing and Lance just stood there and took it. The team was angry at the father and then they heard Lance's thoughts say

_He's right. I don't deserve anything except pain_

And that just broke the teams heart.

The next memory was Lance in the galra lying down strapped to a table with Lotor by his side. 

"Well pet I'm very impressed with what you've done over these past few weeks"

The team was confused.

"You've gone through so much torture and you haven't given us any info on voltron"

The team was shocked. tortured?! but that didn't make any sense the two of them had made a deal. Right?

"You know I was personally surprised at how fast you became our new champion in the arena"

The team was shocked. Shiro was the last champion and he had been with the galra for years to get that title. What had Lance gone through? 

"Today's your lucky day were not gonna torture you or send you into the arena today my mother will personally come down to experiment on you"

No! Lance was experimented on?!

"You have no idea how happy it made me when you offered me that deal. Do you remember?" Lance didnt answer "Oh come on remember I came in and told you that you and the green paladin would be tortured and you said I'll make you a deal you leave the green paladin alone and you can do anything you want to me. And then I said fine well only ruff up the green paladin a little and I get to do what ever i wan to you. Oh would you look at that mother is here!"

Then the memory ended and the next one started

It showed when they had been flung up in to space how Lance had been terrified of them. How he didn't talk because he was afraid that they might turn against him. How he trained and read. how he barely got much sleep because of the nightmares. They saw everything. The fear. The sadness. The unbearably pain that Lance suffered through everyday.

Everyone took off the mind meld helmet everyone except Lance who was still asleep. No one seemed to know what to say. They knew they didn't know Lance well so they didn't know what they were expecting, but it definitely wasn't this. Then left the unspoken question of what should they do now?

 

 

 


	4. Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance reacts to the mind meld.

When Lance woke up he was still on the couch in the lounge alone. And he wasn't confused for a second he knew that it was stupid of him to have fallen asleep during the mind meld and now everyone probably knew about his past. He was terrified to say the least. He didn't want to go through rejection and abuse like he had on earth. When his family turned on him he was young and thought it was natural, but he knew better know. Then with the bully's they had been complete strangers. But now was different now he was with people he cared about and would die for. He could handle being rejected by his society and his family, but he couldn't handle the team hating him too it would just be too much. There was one tiny piece of hope in the back of his mind that said 

What if they don't know?

It was a long shot to say the least, but there was a shot. Maybe they hadn't looked through his memory's because they thought it would be rude to do it without his permission? Who was he kidding?! The team hated him when they did they mind meld and he hadn't talked about anything ever so they probably went snooping to try and get some answers! He decided that he just wouldn't bring it up if they came to him about it he wouldn't deny anything and if they didn't come to him about it then he wouldn't be the one to bring it up. He wasn't being hopeful or negative he was just being prepared. 

Lance walked out of the lounge planing on going to the library to read some more when he ran into Pidge literally. He was rounding a corner when a rushed Pidge ran straight into him knocking them both (and Pidges computer) onto the floor. 

"Shoot sorry I didn't mean to-" Pidge stopped apologizing when they looked up and saw Lance sitting there rubbing his head where he had been hit. "Lance." Lance gave Pidge a questing look as if to say 'Yeah?'  After a moment of Pidge staring they got up and walked over to help Lance up. The gesture was appreciated, but lance being way taller than Pidge ended up just pushing himself up while holding Pidges hand. Once Lance was standing suddenly out of no where Pidge hugged Lance and started crying

"Lance I am so sorry I thought you betrayed me!...I...I had no idea that you made a deal with Lotor and-and that you were experimented on and tortured!" Pidge said through sobs. Lance finally realizing what was happening put him hand on Pidges head and wrapped another arm around their body. 

"Pidge?" Lance asked voice scratchy from lack of use. Pidge gasped at hearing Lances voice for the first time.

"Yeah?" Lance hesitated before askeing

"Do you hate me?" Pidge jumped out of Lances arms and yelled.

"NO!" Lance jumped back in surprise "No Lance. We love you and nothing would ever change that!" 

"Oh." Lance said still a bit shocked

"What do you mean 'oh'?" Pidge questioned.

"It's just that when ever people find out about my past they usually hate me...and...I really didn't think I could handle it if you guys hated me because I really care about you all and-"Pidge walked over the Lance and hugged him again.

"We love you Lance." Pidge didn't elaborate on that they didn't have to. They just stood there hugging ans Lance silently cried tears of joy.

 

* * *

 

After Pidge and Lance stopped hugging and they had both gathered themselves up and stopped crying they both went there separate ways after agreeing to never bring up or speak of the moment ever again. After all they didn't want to appear weak to the others. Lance walked down the hallway on his way to the library when he heard metal on metal coming from the training room. Curious about who it could be he went to investigate. When he entered the room he saw Keith with his bayard fighting the training bots with nothing but his clothes for armor. Lance walked in and sat down by the edge of the training room so not to interfere. Keith was so absorbed in his fight that he hadn't even notice Lance walk in. Keith was fighting recklessly he kept leaving him self open and it was a miracle he only got a few bruises. After defeating two of the four bots he was breathless, but he kept fighting. The first one went after him its sword swung for Keith s right shoulder and he dodged at the last second and stabbed the bot right in it head. A second later the other robot came out of no where right behind him and rose its sword to strike Keith with the finally blow. Keith closed his eyes expecting the bot to kill him since he knew he couldn't dodge or fight back. He waited but the blow never came when he opened his eyes he saw the bot lying dead on the floor and Lance with his bayard in gun form smoke still coming out from his gun. 

"Lance? When did you get in here?" Lance shrugged before dissolving his bayard. There was an awkward silence that neither knew how to fill. "I'm sorry." Lance looked up shocked at Keith words "I didn't know you were bullied and abused for your sexuality, so when you reacted the way you did when I came out I thought that you were like those kids who bullied me back on Earth. I thought you acted that way because you didn't know how hard it was for me to come out to you guys and now I realize you reacted that way because you knew exactly what it was like." Keith was crying now "I-I c-cant imagine h-how hard it must of been for you to go through that all a-alone." At some point Keith must of walked over to Lance becuase now they were sitting next to each other Lances are raped around Keiths back.

"You didn't know." 

"But I should have!" Keith said through sobs.

"But you didn't," Keith was shocked out of crying by this answer "Because I wouldn't let you. Because I wouldn't let you get close enough to care. Because I thought that if anyone was close enough to care they were close enough to hurt me. I didn't want you guys to hurt me because I care about you guys too much and I didn't think I would be able to handle that pain." Lance was crying now "I didn't let you guys in not because I thought you wouldn't care...I didn't let you in because I thought you would care too much. At first I thought that you would hurt me, but after a while I knew that you wouldn't and that you would care an that it would hurt you to see me in so much pain. I didn't want you to know because for me it would be better to suffer alone then to see you guys suffer with me."

"Lance you're an idiot." Lance was shocked "If you had told us you were in pain you wouldn't of dragged us down we would've pulled you up. And we can do that now." Lance and Keith cried.

 

* * *

 

 

 Later that night Lance stopped by the kitchen to get some coffee. As he was leaving the kitchen and beginning to make his way to the library he heard someone call his name from behind.

"Lance!" Lance turned around to see Shiro jogging over to Lance with a smile on his face. Once he caught up with Lance Lance continued walking towards the library with Shiro. "How are you?" Lance gave a thumbs up. "Good, good. so where are you going? I see you walk this way sometimes. I've always wondered where it is you head off to." 

"The library" Shiro surprised that Lance answered, but quickly recovered "The library? I didn't know the castle had a library." 

"Yeah I discovered it one night while cleaning the castle"

"You clean the castle?"

"Yeah it helps quiet the memories a little" Shiro had a pained look on his face at that. 

"Lance? I'm sorry you had to go through all of that."

"I know I came to terms with what happened to me a long time ago that's one of the reasons my time with the galra hasn't really effected me too much." Lance turns into a door that enters to the library "Books and music really help. There are lots of books here and all of them are in Altean, but just about all of them have been translated to English on a tablet and there's a machine that plays music in that room over there there are even a few Earth songs on there. You should try it some time might help." 

Then Shiro laughed. Not because he found what Lance had said was funny, but because he had come to try and help Lance and Lance just ended up helping him. Once his laughter had died down he said

"Yeah I think I might try that some time."

Eventually the whole team talked to Lance about what had happened and they told him that if he ever needed something that he could come to them which he did when he needed to. The team started to understand more about Lance and how he was broken. They learned that he had already excepted that and it didn't seem to bother him after years of dealing with it, so the team learnt to accept it. Of course Lance would have his bad days with nightmares and panic attacks and on those days that team was always there to help him rather it be someone to talk to or some reassurance. And sometimes even a hug. 

 

 

 

 


End file.
